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Class PS3S22 

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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



MILES OF SMILES 



MILES OF SMILES 

By EBEN LESH 

M 

Illustrated hy 
R. W. MANN 




BARNHART BOOK STORE 

Huntington, Indiana 

1922 



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Copyright, 1922 
EBEN LESH 



©C.IAG92320 



THESE POEMS ARE DEDICATED 
TO 

MY WIFE 

WHOSE INTERPRETIVE READINGS 

MAKE THEM SEEM BETTER 

THAN THEY ARE. 



TABLE OF CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Our Grocery Man 9 

Pa Draws the Line on Receptions 12 

When Pa Puts Up the Stovepipe 18 

Sweetheart Days 20 

Smiling Brighter 26 

Sally Ann 27 

Outing at Webster Lake 29 

Ma and Pa Go to Chicago 34 

The Blessings of Thanksgiving Day 37 

The Weather 40 

He Didn't Say His Prayers 42 

Hold Still Bobbie 44 

Pa He Is My Chum 46 

Stingy Sol Dole 49 

I've Been Thinkin' of Joinin' the "Y" 53 

Tom Jenkins Is a Purty Good Squire 56 

Wite in the Dwawin' Room 59 

Quietin' Title 61 

Returned from Exile 63 

When Ma Cleans House 65 

Legislative Duties 67 

Ma's Savin' of the World 70 

When Si Plumpkins Ran for Congress 73 

Back to the Ole Home Place \ . . . 76 

Gossipers 81 

Wite in the Thool Room 84 

The Baseball Fan 85 

Sister Is Afraid of a Mouse 87 

Nothing Else to Do 91 

Contentment 93 

Nature's Beauty 94 

Sol Henry's Betrothal 96 

Never Grow Old 98 

Great Idees 100 

Stay With the Farm 101 

Living Just Now 103 

Mother's Love 105 

White Roses 106 

Touched by the Hand of the Lord 109 



MILES OF SMILES 
OUR GROCERY MAN 

The man what brings us groceries, 

Is an awful funny man ; 
He comes a drivin' like Gee Whiz, 

And bustles in and then 
He jams the onions in a bag 

And slams the kitchen door 
And spills the coal oil on the rug 

And beans upon the floor 
And hurries 'round as if the world 

Would come to sudden end 
If one wee teeny moment his 

Activities suspend, 
And then he backs against the wall 

And then he stands and gawks 
And whistles tunes he makes himself 

And talks and talks and talks 
And it isn't Ma he's talkin' to 

But it's our hired girl. 

And once this grocer man he came 

When Ma was out for tea, 
And Sis was gone and no one home 

But Cindy Jane and me, 
And me, they didn't count for much 

I was so teeny small, 
I guess they didn't care 'bout me, 

I didn t count at all. 



10 MILES OF SMILES 

And Cindy Jane made lemonade 

And poured it in a cup 
And he would drink and she would drink 

And so they drank it up ; 
But when he tried to kiss our Jane 

W'y Cindy Jane she balked, 
But still he stayed and stayed and stayed, 

And talked and talked and talked, 
And it wasn't Ma he's talkin' to 

But it was our hired girl. 

And 'en one time this grocer man 

He brought along one day 
A awful bag of chocolates, 

And Pa was heard to say 
To Ma 'You're gettin' stravagant 

To buy all this fer Paul," 
And when he zamined of the bill 

It wasn't on at all; 
Of peanuts and of peppermints 

He brought an awful lot 
And brought 'em all for Cindy Jane, 

And Cindy Jane she got 
'Bout everything that girls could want 

And gave a lot away 
To sister Nan and me because 

We'd alius run away. 
But wasn't us he brought 'em to; 

It was our hired girl. 



MILES OF SMILES 11 

And now we haven't any girl; 

She went and runned away 
And married this here grocer man 

That used to come and stay, 
And talked so long and bringed along 

So many pretty things 
And give her sweets and nuts and meats 

And creams and finger rings ; 
I'll tell you what, when I get big 

I'll be a grocer man 
And whistle tunes like Jerry Jones 

And hustle all I can, 
And some day possibly a girl 

Like Cindy Jane, I'll meet. 
And if I do, I'll marry her 

If she is half as sweet 

As our hired girl. ^ 



12 MILES OF SMILES 

PA DRAWS THE LINE ON 
RECEPTIONS 

I think my Pa's about as nice 

As any one's Pa can be ; 
He likes to go to picture shows 

And alius takes Ma and me. 
And when the circus comes to town 

You bet my Pa is there, 
And Ma and me are with him too, 

We're with him everywhere. 
He takes us on the shoot the shoots 

And rides the merry go round. 
And when the carnival comes to town 

My Pa and me are found 
A watchin' the charmer charm the snakes, 

Or the rider ridin' the mule, 
Or the acrobat a battin' away 

Or the clown a act in' the fool. 

But Pa draws the line on receptions. 

One day my Ma said to my Pa, 
"Put on your best est togs, 

For a swell affair is go in' to be had 
Down here at Matilda Groggs; 

The Lukenses folks and Flukenses folks 
And Jenkinses folks I guess. 

And all the other sweU folks in town 

Are goin' to be there in full dress. 




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My Pa runned home in the waist of his coat 
But the tail he left on the box 



MILES OF SMILES 15 

"I've saw the tailor Jerry my dear." 

Speakin' herself to Pa, 
"And he's a riggin' a spiketail coat." 

Says Ma, Ma says to Pa, 
"And trousers with pegs around the legs, 

And two button low neck vest, 
And Pa, we'll be so proud of you, 
. More sweller than all the rest." 

But Pa draws the line on receptions. 

It's needless to say Ma had her way, 

For Mas most gener'ly do, 
And there was Pa with his spiketail coat 

And tan picadilly shoe, 
And there in line was a host of folks, 

Some women and some of 'em men. 
And they squeezed Ma's hand and squeeze^ 
Pa's hand 

And mimibled "good evenin' " and then 
They crowded along from folk to folk 

To hurry the process through. 
And there was Pa could only say 

"Howdydo, howdydo, howdydo, 
Howdydo, howdydo, howdydo, howdydo, 

Howdydo, howdydo, howdydo," 
For Pa ain't used to receptions. 



16 MILES OF SMILES 

Now Pa drinks cider and cel'ry ves', 

And pop and hot lemonade, 
But punch is a juice he never had touched, 

And when he saw it he said 
He'd try and maybe he'd worry it down; 

But when it came to the test 
His hand so trembled he dropped the glass. 

And spilled it all over his vest. 
My Ma she says, says she to Pa, 

"Jerry, my honey dear, 
You spilled the punch all over your pants 

And made a terrible smear." 
Said Pa, perturbed and all wrought up 

More than he ever had been, 
"It's worse enough to spill the stuff 

Without you rubbin' it in." 
Now Pa abhors receptions. 

Now Pa was 'bout as comfort'ble wet 

As ever a man could be. 
He'd had a 'sperience he wouldn't forget 

Throughout all eternity. 
He didn't care 'bout talkin' at all 

To the Lukens or Flukenses now ; 
He hinted to Ma that his mind runned 

It's time to be makin' our bow. 
It's needless to say Ma had her way 

As Mas most gener'ly do, 



MILES OF SMILES 17 

So Pa concluded to circulate 

And see the performance through; 

But Lukenses' wife, two hundred flush, 
Was sittin' on one of Pa's frocks; 

My Pa runned home in the waist of his coat, 
But the tail he left on the box. 

Now Pa is done with receptions. 



18 MILES OF SMILES 

WHEN PA PUTS UP THE 
STOVEPIPE 

We all prepare to hold our breath, 
When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

It nearly worries Ma to death, 

When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

For Pa he frets and storms and scowls. 
And frightens baby till he howls ; 
Our Polly Parrots scream like owls, 
And even Fido barks and growls 
When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

The joints are scattered here and there. 
And clouds of smoke befoul the air. 
And honor bright and on the square, 
^he soot is spattered everywhere. 
When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

The air's all clouded up and bleared; 
The wall's all spattered up and smeared: 
And ashes scattered on the floor 
And pleasure gone forevermore, 

When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

My Pa's a christian fair and square, 
And holds his temper everywhere, 
And goes to church and leads in prayer, 
But there is one thing makes Pa swear ; 
That's putting up the stovepipe. 



MILES OF SMILES 19 

One day when Ma was making pies, 
A cloud of dust bedimmed her eyes, 
And filled her ears and mouth and nose. 
And blackened her from head to toes ; 
Pa's putting up the stovepipe. 

My Ma's so calm and mild and meek, 
That when she's smote upon one cheek. 
She turns the other, don't you know, 
Just like the Bible tells her so; 

When Pa puts up the stovepipe. 

But smiting cheeks is otherwise 
Than throwing soot in pimipkin pies. 
And Ma she grabbed the scrubbing broom 
And swept my Pa clean out the room, 
When Pa put up the stovepipe. , 

Now Ma is putting water bags. 
And red hot cloths and mustard rags, 
All over Pa where he is sore, 
And Pa he swears that nevermore 
Will he put up the stovepipe. 



20 MILES OF SMILES 

SWEETHEART DAYS 

I've been sittin' in the twilight, 

As the sun is bendin' low, 
And my thoughts have been re vert in* 

To the days of long ago. 
I was thinkin' of a Christmas, 

'Twas round forty years or so, 
When I'se court in' of your mother. 

Blessed thing she didn' know 
All the things that was a comin' 

Else you'd never have been here; 
For the flowers along her pathway's 

Not been roses, Laura, dear. 
It was on the eve of Christmas 

That I took my dapples gray 
And I hitched them to a bobsled 

And we went and runned away. 
I can hear the bells a jinglin' 

On those blessed dapple grays, 
I can hear your mother singin'; 

Those were in our Sweetheart days. 

And we drove out through the country 
To a place where lived a 'Squire; 

Just a little old log cabin 

And a homely hearth-stone fire ; 

No electric lights to dazzle ; 

No high soundin' weddin' tune; 




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I can hear the bells a jinglin' 
On those blessed dapple grays 



MILES OF SMILES 23 

No bouquets to be a sheddin' 

Of their fragrance round the room ; 
There's no witnesses assembled; 

Not a single bidden guest 
Save the 'Squire and his good helpmate 

For the weddin' to attest; 
And out there that bleak December, 

In that God-forsaken spot, 
That old 'Squire peered o'er his glasses 

For to see to tie the knot ; 
And he tied it and re-tied it 

In a dozen diff'rent ways, 
For to tie it most securely, 

For we's in our Sweetheart days. 

Now it wasn't any great while 

Till you came a troopin' in; 
First was Tommie, then came Robert, 

Next I b'lieve was you, then Jim. 
What? You say that Robert's older 

By two years than brother Tom ? 
Well, I never could remember 

Just the order how you come ; 
But your mother, couldn't fool her, 

She could tell the very day 
That each one of you was born on. 

She could sing it right away; 
And when asked how she remembered 

Of so many birthdays rare, 



24 MILES OF SMILES 

I can hear your mother say in' 
*Ta I reckon I was there." 

Oh I think she'd sing our birthdays 
In a round of perfect lays ; 

Didn't seem to have to falter; 

Those were in our Sweetheart days. 

Then when Christmas was a comin', 

Every year we'd raise a tree 
And we'd decorate with tinsel 

And all sorts of finery ; 
And we'd hang your little stockin's 

To the curtain with a pin, 
And we'd open up the chimney 

Just to let old Santa in, 
And we'd light the tallow candles, 

And we'd set them on a chair 
So that in the shades of darkness 

Santa Claus would know just where 
To deposit of his candies, 

And the million things he had. 
To delight our little darlin's 

To say nothin' of their dad; 
And your mother she'd be fixin' 

In a thousand different ways 
To be making us all happy, 

For we's in our Sweetheart days. 



MILES OF SMILES 25 

You're the likeness of your mother; 

You're the only girl she had. 
Oh I know that boys are splendid, 

Really they're not so bad 
As they gener'ly are counted, 

But in lookin' in your face. 
There's the vision of your mother, 

As of yore she used to grace 
And sustain and bless our household 

In the days of long ago. 
Oh these reveries are pleasant 

I would have them linger so ; 
But the pleasure of these memoirs 

Is increased a thousand ways. 
For here's mother kind as ever; 

Ere abide our Sweetheart days. 



26 MILES OF SMILES 

SMILING BRIGHTER 

When the sun is shining brightest 

And it fairly bums your face, 
And you see old Sol a grinnin' 

In his devilish grimace, 
Did you ever see a rosebud 

Hang its head and sulk and pout ? 
Did you ever see a lily 

Act as though it had the gout ? 

They only smile the brighter. 

When the clouds are thickly gathered 

And old Thor begins to roar, 
And the rain is pouring on you 

And you're wet clean to the core. 
Did you ever see a lily 

Or a rosebud nod askance ? 
Did you ever hear them murmur 

Scold or growl at Providence ? 

They only smile the brighter. 

As the heat of summer solstice. 

And the moisture of the showers, 

Doth such all effulgent glory 
E'er reveal unto the flowers, 

Let us emulate their wisdom 

And in sunshine and in rain, 

With our faces toward the heavens 
And our hearts made right again, 
Let us smile the brighter. 



MILES OF SMILES 27 

SALLY ANN 

Speakin' of females, my Sally Ann's 

About the worst in town ; 
When it comes to temper, my Sally Ann's 

No equal for miles around ; 
She's 'bout the contrariest one I guess 

That ever goes down the pike ; 
W'y stubborn, that don't begin to express it; 

She's obstinate, headstrong. Say Ike 

Would you push the cuspidor a leetle 
closer? 

Now Billy McFerson says my Sally Ann's 

No worser he bets than his ; 
But Billy don't know about my Sally Ann; 

I'll bet him two shillin's she is; 
And Tommy McHenry, he lives on the creek. 

He's got him a worser one too. 
To hear Tommy tell it; but Billy nor Tommy 

Don't know what my Sally will do. 

Ike will you put some wood in the stove ? 

And Sammy McWiggin, w'y Sammy and me, 
We used to spell down the whole school; 

They tell me that Sammy has got one named 
Bess, 
And she is a regular fool. 

There's Sammy and Billy and Tommy and me; 
There's four of us all in a square, 



28 MILES OF SMILES 

And Sammy, when Bess is a actin' so bad, 
They tell me that Sammy can swear. 

Ike will you raise the windy a leetle? 

Now Sammy's and Willie's and Tommy's may act 

As bad as ever they can ; 
But I'll bet you two farthings there isn't a one 

Holds a candle to my Sally Ann. 
Wy Ikie don't get so excited just now, 

I'm tryin' to tell you what's square; 
Did you think Sally Ann was my wife, Ikie Boy? 

Sally Ann is my old dapple mare. 



MILES OF SMILES 29 

OUTING AT WEBSTER LAKE 

Grandfather sat in his easy chair, and mused o'er 

the cares of the day ; 
While mother and sisters and brother and I, 

made ready to hie away 

For an outing at Webster Lake. 

Trunks and valises and boxes and grips, were 

packed in an orderly way ; 
Telescopes, handbags, suitcases and all, jammed 

full of all sorts of array ; 
Pillow slips, handkerchiefs, clothing galore, a 

wardrobe of gorgeous attire ; 
Bathing suits draped in rich color and hue, for 

Bleachers to 'plaud and admire ; 

At our outing at Webster Lake. 

A neat little cottage awaiting us there, a bunga- 
low ten by fourteen ; 

A trifle too small for a tribe of our size, a trifle 
too airy I ween ; 

But a happier place than this cottage of ours, 
has never on Terra been seen ; 

For six little urchins inhabited there, with 
Mother enthroned as our Queen ; 
While outing at Webster Lake. 



30 MILES OF SMILES 

As to pastime, the fishing was simply immense, 

at that popular little resort; 
And fishing is fishing, you'll have to admit, and 

the same is a capital sport ; 
Of course there's no catching at any such place, 

and for catching against it I am ; 
But fishing is fishing, and fishing was good, 

though catching was not worth a damn ; 
On our outing at Webster Lake. 

And boating was fine when the water was calm, 

and of boating we did quite enough ; 
But boating was what Sherman said about war, 

whenever the water was rough ; 
But to sail on the crest of the silvery waves, in 

the light of the vanishing moon, 
We six little sweethearts and Mother our Queen, 

was Heaven come only too soon ; 
At our outing at Webster Lake. 

And oh boy, the joy of a cold morning plunge, 

in the clear crystal springs of the deep ; 
The washings away of the cares of the day, the 

troublesome dreams of sleep ; 
A whoop and hurrah for a plunge in the Lake, 

Three Cheers for old Webster once more; 
A spring and a leap, a dive in the deep, and away 

we are speeding from shore ; 

While outing at Webster Lake. 



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But fishing is fishing, and fishing was good; though 
catching was not worth a damn 



MILES OF SMILES 33 

Grandfather's gone to the happy reward, that 

beckons the just and the good ; 
And great are the changes that Old Father Time 

has wrought on his dear Httle brood ; 
Our hearts have been mellowed, our faces been 

furrowed ; our Queen decked in ivory white ; 
But hallowed the mem'ries to bless and sustain 

us, as we muse o'er with delight, 
Our outing at Webster Lake. 



34 MILES OF SMILES 

MA AND PA GO TO CHICAGO 

My Ma had never seen a town 

No bigger 'n Wabash, but — 
My Pa he onct had seen a town 

So big as Terre Hut. 
My Pa he thought that Terre Hut 

Was all the town there wuzz, 
But guess he blinked his eye when first 

He heard Chicago buzz. 
My Pa he kinder led the way 

A saunterin' down the street 
A biddin' folks the time-o-day 

He happened to meet, 
Just like the way we do down here 

Where me and Ma and Pa 
Were all brought up and alius lived, 

But Ma ?ays to Pa "Lah! 
There ain't no use a doin' that 

Down here in this big town ; 
The folks they don't take time to see 

Your head a noddin' roun'." 
It wasn't very long till Pa 

He hadn't time to bow. 
It kept him busy dodgin' round 

The automobiles now. 
They came a dashin' down the street; 

Pa thought he'd sure get hit: 



MILES OF SMILES 35 

They came a whizzin' by till Pa, 

He nearly had a fit. 
They dashed around the corner 

From the east and from the west ; 
They splashed wet mud all over Pa 

And smeared his Sunday vest. 
No matter whether Ma and Pa 

Looked one way or the other 
There came a solid row of cars • 

A follerin' after t'other. 
The street cars every now and then 

Joined in the big parade ; 
The vans and trucks came thunderin' by 

In reg'lar fusillade. 
The jitneys and the taxicabs 

A hundred thousand strong 
In solid phalanx whistled by 

In procession two miles long. 
The elevated overhead 

Came thunderatin' by; 
The motorcycles shootin' past 

Like lightnin' from the sky. 
My Pa he only went four blocks 

And shakin' of his head, 
He kinder cleared his throat a bit 

And 'dressin' Ma he said, 
"It pears to me we're out of place 

Down here in this big town ; 



36 MILES OF SMILES 

It kinder makes me dizzy, Ma, 

This everlastin' soun'; 
Let's turn around and go back home, 

And gettin' there we'll stay 
Where folks have time to eat and sleep 

And think and love and pray." 



MILES OP SMILES 37 

THE BLESSINGS OF 
THANKSGIVING DAY 

I'm feelin' quite youthful this mornin' my dear, 

Although I'm seventy-three; 
For I'm comin' along to another Thanksgivin', 

Or Thanksgivin 's comin' to me: 
These Thanksgivin' seasons they seem to agree 

With a hoary old settler like me ; 
They carry me back to the pioneer days ; 

Say back to sixty-three ; 
You know what happened in sixty-three? 

W'y bless you of course you do ; 
That was the fortunest year of my life, 

For 'twas then that I married you. 
You ask what have we to be thankful for ? 

W'y blessings unbounded have we. 
For I have you to be thankful for. 

And such as I am, you've me. 

I know my Eliza we haven't a heap 

Of the treasures of this world's store, 
But the little we have has been honestly earned, 

And this is a treasure far more 
To be coveted, dear, than all of the wealth 

Of Princes and Czars and Kings ; 
For I'd rather be poor in a Heaven blest cot, 

Than rich in worldly bought things ; 
But I guess we can muster a turkey or two 

For Thanksgivin' dinner my dear. 



38 MILES OF SMILES 

And I'd rather have roasted, one turkey of yours, 
Than a whole durned barbecue steer. 

You ask what have we to be thankful for ? 
Wy rich beyond Croesus are we, 

For I have you to be thankful for, 
And such as I am, you've me. 

Now Thanksgivin' dinner Eliza, let's see — 

How many of us will there be ? 
There's David and Arthur, Nathaniel and Joe, 

Priscilla and Reuben, I see, 
Oh, Susan, I nearly forgot about her, 

How dreadfully stupid of me ; 
I think I named seven, you say sixty-six? 

Now how in the world can it be ; 
Oh pshaw O forgot all about the grandchildren, 

That proves that I'm on the decline; 
But Liza in counting the grandchildren all. 

It only makes bare thirty-nine : 
Oh the next generation that makes sixty-six ; 

You say no Thanksgivin' for me? 
When we have all these to be thankful for ? 

And such as we are, are we. 

Roasted turkey and broth and cranberry sauce, 
And hot pumpkin pies, and peas. 

Boiled turnips, tomatoes and roast sweet potatoes, 
And all of such good things as these ; 

I'll tell you Eliza no wonder it makes 
A codger like me feel gay. 



MILES OF SMILES 39 

To think of the victuals we're going to have 

A comin' on Thanksgivin' day; 
And to know that these victuals, you cooked 
them yourself. 

That makes them lots better for me, 
For I've fed on your cookin' for many a year; 

I've stood it since sixty-three. 
You ask what have we to be thankful for ? 

W'y bless you rich treasures have we, 
For I have you to be thankful for, 

And such as I am, you've me. 

The pilgrims who carried the Puritan Faith 

From over the deep blue sea, 
Amid their privations and hardships and want, 

To the land of freedom to be, 
Established forever the worship of God, 

Unstayed by dogmatic decree, 
And thanks to Almighty, devoutly they gave 

An example for you and for me. 
I know my Eliza we havn't a heap, 

Of the treasures of this old world. 
But Croesus ne'er dreamed of such wealth as is 
ours. 

In the wealth of Old Glory unfurled ; 
And I know that with all I have said you'll agree 

That blessings unbounded have we 
For I have you to be thankful for, 

And such as I am, you've me. 



40 MILES OF SMILES 

THE WEATHER 

Down where I live in Dingytown, 

If it concludes to rain, 
A lot of folks more wiser far 

Than Providence, complain; 
Or if upon the other hand, 

The sun concludes to shine. 
They hang their heads and wag their tongues 

And grumble, scold and whine. 

Again when winter's chilling blasts, 

Are bio win' and a breezin', 
They yearn for good old summer time 

And watermelon season ; 
But when old Sol arrives in June, 

These folks begin to sizz, 
And puff and pant and groan and swear 

"Good Lord, how hot it is." 

If Providence concludes to give 

An open winter, there 
They are a rant in' for the cold 

To purify the air, 
But if it's cold and all frizz up, 

They're clamorin' for mild 
Weather, for as sure as sin 

The fruit will all be sp'iled. 



MILES OF SMILES 41 

But I have noticed pretty much 

No matter what they say, 
The man wot makes the weather slate 

Most alius has his way; 
So I ' ve concluded as for me 

I'll tend to my own biz, 
And let the weather man alone 

And take it as it is. 



42 MILES OF SMILES 

HE DIDN'T SAY HIS PRAYERS 

I guess I've seen dear Santa Claus; 

I know him very well, 
For once dear Santa woke me up 

A ringing of his bell ! 
He didn't mean to wake me up, 

He came so very still; 
But don't you know he dropped his bell 

Upon the window sill, 
And there he stood with loads of toys 

And whispered to me "Benny, 
You naughty boy, you go to sleep 

I didn't bring you any. 

For you went to bed 

And never said your prayers." 

And oh he had such loads and loads 

Of toys and pretty things, 
And beads that sparkled oh so bright, 

And teeny finger rings. 
And piles and piles of sweets and meats 

And nuts and dates and figs, 
Enough to feed the whole wide world, 

Although we eat like pigs, 
And sleds and everything I dess. 

But hadn't none for Benny; 
Because I was a naughty boy 

He didn't bring me any, 



MILES OF SMILES 43 

For I went to bed 

And never said my prayers. 

And sister Susie's stocking oh ! 

He filled it to the brim 
And left a watch and sled for John, 

And most everything for him, 
And oh I got the bestest joke 

On my dear Santa Claus : 
I sneaked downstairs and hanged my sock 

Where Ma had hanged my Pa's! 
But one thing sure that after this 

I never will take any 
Chance on finding Santa Claus 

For after this when Benny 

Goes to bed 

I always say my prayers. 



44 MILES OF SMILES 

HOLD STILL BOBBIE 

My Ma she has such queer idees 
Of how small boys should always please 
Their Ma in everything they do 
And mind their Pa and sister, too 
And alius do just what they're told 
Until they're least sixteen years old 
And she will say "Come here my dear 
Until I scrub your little ear — 

Now hold still Bobbie." 

I can't hold still. 

My Ma's as gentle as a dove 
She calls me "honey, dear and love" 
But she will take a kindling stick 
And rub till sparks are flying thick; 
Why she's a reg'lar dynamo 
When she sets in to scrub me so ; 
She'll scrub a hole clean through my ear 
And still she'll say "My little dear. 

Hold still Bobbie." 

I can't hold still. 

Why Ma can take some rub-no-more 
And rub a hole clean through the floor; 
When she begins to scrub my ear 
The whole wide world grows bleak and blear; 
My eyes begin to fog and dim; 



MILES OF SMILES 45 

I lose my vigor, strength and vim, 
And all a little boy can hear, 
Is Mother saying "Little dear, 

Hold still Bobbie." 

I can't hold still. 

It matters not how hard I try, 
When Mother scrubs I've got to cry, 
And wind and squirm around and fuss. 
And naughty boys would almost cuss, 
And I have simply got to jump 
And bow my back into a himip 
And twist my head to get away 
But still I hear my Mother say; 

"Now hold still Bobbie." 

I can't hold still. 



46 MILES OF SMILES 

PA HE IS MY CHUM 

I likes that man what visits us, 

Most every Sunday night ; 
He brings me peanuts and the like, 

And calls me smart and bright, 
And little dear and honey drop. 

And oh the mostest names. 
Of things that's sweet and good to eat, 

And plays such funny games 
With me, like hide and seek it out, 

And drop the button too ; 
An' 'en one time he jumped at me 

And skeered me with a "BOO!" 
An' he is awful nice to me, 

The nicest man by gum ; 
But Pa's the man I like the best 

'Cause Pa he is my chum. 

And oh this man what visits us. 

He wears the nicest vest 
And pants and coat and overcoat 

And guess he wears the rest 
Of all the things that other folks 

Most generally wear, 
And has the nicest smelling dope 

Be-smattered on his hair; 
And keeps his shoes all shinin' black, 

And necktie shinin' red. 



MILES OF SMILES 47 

But I can't see why Sis wants me 

To alius go to bed 
At sundown still on Sunday night 

And tells me "hush" and "mimi;" 
For I likes this stranger awful well ; 

But Pa he is my chum. 

An' he's the nicest man to Sis 
This stranger man, he is, 
And brings her candy more'n a ton 

And says it's no one's biz 
If he buys out the candy store 

And brings it all to her, 
For all the candy in the world 

Is far too little fer 
A girl so sweet as Sis is 

And buys her nuts and creams. 
And' alius when he leaves he says 

"Bye Bye, Sweet — pleasant dreams," 
An' brings her honey and the like, 

An' piles of chewing gum. 
An' I likes my sister's stranger man; 

But Pa he is my chirni. 
An' 'en this man what visits us. 

To work he is a whopper; 
Washes dishes for my Sis. 

Don't you think that Pop er 
Me er any other man like us 
Would do a thing like that ! 



48 MILES OF SMILES 

Nor would this man what visits us 

If sister didn't chat, 
An' tie an apron 'round his waist 

An' make him look so funny. 
An' call him silly names an' such 

Like Dear and Dove an' Honey. 
An' oh this man what visits us, 

Sis likes to have him come; 
But I likes my Pa the best of all 

For Pa he is my chimi. 

An' 'en my Sis, she's makin' things 

The nicest cutest things ; 
She calles them Treusses or the like ; 

An' wears the mostest rings; 
An' when I ask her what they're for, 

She says "Hush naughty boy." 
An' gets all red around the face, 

*N Pa tells me don't annoy 
Poor Sis for she is nervous now, 

An' sends me right to bed, 
An' there I cry myself to sleep 

An' wish that I was dead, 
Or Sis was married to this man, 

This nasty ugly bum. 
For I hates this man, but I love my Pa 

For Pa he is my chum. 



MILES OF SMILES 49 

STINGY SOL DOLE 

By far the stingiest ole soul 

That I have heam of 's ole Sol Dole 

Down yonder by the Walley Nod. 

I've heam some fellers say "Tight Wad" 

When ole Sol Dole was passin' by, 

And peered to me they's purty nigh 

Corrict in that for I've hearn say 

That he's so stingy he would pay 

His urchins fifteen cents a day 

To do without their supper, 'nen 

He'd make 'em pay it back again 

Fer breakfast. When the county fair 

Was runnin' full blast over there. 

He passed the gate and climbed a tree 

To save a pay in' enterin' fee. 

He wouldn't marry off his gal 

Because he alius claimed that Sal 

Was more than payin' of her way, 

And every beau, he chased away ^ 

But John, and John he came to stay, 

Altho their courtin' I am tole 

Was unbeknowance to Sol Dole. 

Now Sol had land for Kingdoms Kum: 

Why he had more of it by gimi 

Than he could ever plow or seed. 

And so there weren't any need 

To move his house down on the sand 

That overflowed to make more land, 

For he already had a heap 

Besides how much he'd sow and reap; 

But ole Sol Dole jist couldn't stand 

To see that house on fertile land 



50 MILES OF SMILES 

When down the walley's, desert sand. 
And so Sol waited till the fall 
When there weren't any rain at all, 
And then he took the lowest spot 
Of all the waste lowlands he's got, 
And down there in the hole he sot 
His house ; and as he oped his eyes 
Thuswise did ole Sol-lilloquise ; 
"Behold how great a man I am 
To build my house upon the san' 
And so reclaim the tillin' Ian', 
To raise more com and oats and peas. 
To buy still greater lands than these, 
Till I can say of all I view, 
'Sol Dole this all belongs to you;' " 
Not reconin' with April showers 
Which come as sure as love and flowers ; 
But when the rains began to fall, 
The family scampered one and all 
Save Sol himself who stood his ground 
To keep the thieves from comin' 'round. 
And when the river rose and swole. 
Right there at hvmi was ole Sol Dole, 
And when the house began to float, 
Could hear Sol callin' for a boat. 
But none in sight, and on the hill 
Was John and Sal and sister Lill, 
And of the neighbors quite a lot, 
And ole Squire Jones who tied the knot, 
And as the house went floatin' down 
And there's Sol sittin' on its crown 
They all joined in a glad refrain 
"Goodbye Sol Dole, come back agane." 




And as the house went floatin' down 
And there's Sol sittin' on its crown 



MILES OF SMILES 53 

I'VE BEEN THINKIN' OF JOININ' 

THE "Y" 

I says to Malinda, Malinda, says I, 

"Fm thinkin' Malinda, of joinin' the *Y'." 

Malinda she faltered and presently said, 

"Now Jerry, whatever put that in your head? 

The 'Y' is not made for such people as you, 

The *Y' is for people with nothin' to do." 

That set me to thinkin' to try to find out 

Just what in creation the "Y" is about; 

The what and the wherefore, the when and the 

why, 
For indeed I was thinkin' of joinin' the **Y". 
I went to the buildin' and lo and behold, 
They'se playin' at billiards and nine-pins. I'se 

told 
That they had in the basement a pool t6 plunge, 
And gyms for gymnastics to ttunble and lunge, 
And courts for athletics of various sorts. 
And games and amusements and pleasures and 

sports ; 
And of all the fun that I ever did see, 
I never seen nothin' as pleasin' to me 
As I seen down there with my own naked eye, 
And comin' back home to Malinda, says I, 
"I'm joinin' Malinda," and told her just why 
I had made up my mind to be joinin' the "Y". 



54 MILES OF SMILES 

Malinda's no fool if she do be my wife; 
She's the smartest of women I've seen in my life. 
"Now Jerry," said she, *'I don't care, not a whit 
For Jerry a joinin' when Jerry sees fit." 
Then speakin' right out in a moment of time 
She told me some reasons that's simply sublime, 
The what and the wherefore, the when- and the 

why 
A feller like me should be joinin' the **Y". 
She says "I've been hearin' some things," says 

she, 
"Some things that was quite unbeknowance to me ; 
I've been hearin' how boys that was slidin' 

down grade 
Have been taken in hand and their down slidin' 

stayed. 
And into most honorable citizens made; 
I've been hearin' how boys that were loafin' 

aroun' 
In joints of disorder and places low down. 
And tellin' of stories and tales that were vile 
Have been set to a doin' of somethin' worth 

while ; 
I've been hearin' of boys with characters fine, 
A driftin* away from the orthodox line, 
And tendin' toward worldly and frowardly sport, 
A comin' right back to the best of their sort; 
I've been hearin' of boys from every sphere 
A comin' together and minglin' their cheer, 



MILES OF SMILES 55 

As each to each other a blessin' he brings, 

As if buildin' up crowns for these uncrowned 

Kings; 
I've been hearin' of boys the high and the low 
With nothin' to do and no good place to go, 
A joinin' the 'Y' and a goin* down there 
And minglin' with people the best that there air, 
And a readin' of books as good as are writ. 
And of magazine stories, a makin' 'em fit 
To live in this country, the best in the world, 
The land of the Star Spangled Banner unfurled; 
I've been hearin' of boys as brave and as true 
As ever marched under the Red, White and Blue, 
A joinin' the *Y' and a crossin' the sea 
And carryin* with them the hope of the free, 
And marchin' down into the jaws of despair 
Where gases and cannon smoke clouded the air, 
And buildin' an altar of worship down tliere." 
When Linda had finished, a tear in my eye 
Came tricklin' down, a knowin' that I 
Had personal reasons for joinin' the "Y" 
And I hastened to join and a knowin' just why. 



56 MILES OF SMILES 

TOM JENKINS IS A PURTY GOOD 
SQUIRE 

Tom Jenkins, he isn't a lawyer, 

His tongue isn't gilded with fire, 
He doesn't know much about lawin' 

But still he's a purty good squire. 
He tries to decide of the questions 

About as he thinks they should be, 
And deal out the law in a measure 

In rather methodic degree. 
And balance his rulin's 'bout even 

If even he sees that he can, 
"For the law," says this Honor 'ble Justice 

"Is not a respecter of men." 

Jim Bowersock it seems was disabled 

Because of a terrible kick 
Which was laid to the door of Sam Johnson 

Residin' in Tom's bailiwick. 
Now no one could doubt for a moment 

That Bowersock was horribly served, 
But some who had known him at Keystone 

Had said he got what he deserved, 
And the evidence showed beyond question 

That Bowersock sustained broken arm, 
At two or three places and elsewhere 

Had suffered great bodily harm : 
His nose had been battered and flattened 



MILES OF SMILES 57 

And shorn of its beautiful bridge, 
His stomach had nearly been punctured 

And robbed of its globular ridge ; 
He was brayed on his thigh and his sirloin, 

And bruised on the rear of his neck, 
And anyone lookin' on Bowersock 

Would say ''He's a terrible wreck." 
The lawyer defendin' Sam Johnson 

Was not of the scholarly kind, 
Just a plain every day country lawyer 

With most of his foresight behind. 
But he called for his witness Nan Baker; 

As I from the Justice found out. 
Nan had seen the whole bloomin' transaction, 

And knew what it all was about. 
Now the squire would first rule with defendant 

And next he would rule with the State, 
And thuswise he tried to keep even 

As I tried heretofore to relate, 
And he saw every time that his rulin' 

Was friendly to Bachelor Sam, 
Nan Baker swelled up with delightment 

And poised herself tranquil and calm. 
But with each of his alternate rulin 's 

Impartially favorin' the State, 
Nan's bosom heaved up indignation, 

As I heard Justice Jenkins relate; 
And the Squire bein' more observatin' 



58 MILES OF SMILES 

Than Squires most gener'ly be, 
Proceeded to write on his docket 

As he himself told it to me, 
And after the writin' was finished 

He slowly uplifted his head 
And without any more testifyin' 

The Justice his sentence he read ; 
"I've concluded" said Justice Tom Jenkins 

"To let the defendant go hence, 
On the charge that he 'saulted Jim Bowersock, 

But as to the other offense, 
I impose upon him a life sentence 

His term has already began." 
Sam Johnson he knew just the meanin' 

And 'dressin' himself to Miss Nan 
He said "I've got plenty of money 

At home in my corduroy pants, 
But I wasn't a thinkin' of needin' 

Much more'n about seventy cents 
For my dinner, and if you're not mindin' 

To loan me a three or a five, 
I'm a thinkin' we may as well finish 

The job and be savin' a drive." 

Now Justice Tom Jenkins he chuckles 

And literally laughs in his boots 
Every time he drives down past Sam Johnson's 

And sees Johnson's fine little toots. 



MILES OF SMILES 59 

WITE IN THE DWAWIN' ROOM 

One time there was a gen'leman, 

His name was Sammy Gipe, 
And every time he ctimed around 

He alius brought his pipe, 
And Pa, he didn't say so much 

But Ma she'd have a fit 
For he'd go in the dwawin' room 

And there he'd smoke of it, 

Wite in the Dwawin' Room. 

And 'en he'd puff the smoke in culs 

Ascendin' to the wall, 
And Ma she'd get most awful mad, 

She didn't like it 'tall 
And 'en he'd shake the ashes off 

And brush em on the floor, 
An 'en he'd fill his pipe agin 

And en he'd smoke some more, 

Wite in the Dwawin' Room. 

And 'en this man he'd look around 

To find 'e cuspidor, 
And 'en he'd spit and 'en he'd smoke 

And 'en he'd spit some more. 
And Ma would be a lookin' mad 

And thinkin' what a bore, 



60 MILES OF SMILES 

And 'en one time he missed the box 
And spit upon the floor, 
Wite in the Dwawin' Room. 

And 'en my Ma she did get tross 
And grabbed the sweepin' stick 

And 'en she up and after him 
And made the fur fly thick, 

And jabbed him with the poker 
An' sticked him with a pin; 

I'll tell you wot my Ma she did 
She made mince meat of him, 
Wite in the Dwawin' Room. 



MILES OF SMILES 61 

OUIETIN' TITLE 

My Ma's a widder, understand, 
And wunct she owned a tract of land 
But when she went to Lawyer Snapp 
She found the title had a gap, 
And all the world and Kingdoms kum 
Was claimin' what we called our hum; 
And so the lawyer said there 'ain't 
No way to 'void this here complaint. 
"Comes now the plaintiff Mary Brains, 
And of defendant she complains, 
And for her cause plaintiff avers 
That all the property is hers 
Wherein the plaintiff doth reside 
And no one's else. No one beside 
Herself: But notwithstandin' same 
Defendant doth persist to claim 
He owns the land. Not only he 
But all of his posterity ; 
His wife and children names unknown, 
Where'er they be if they're his own. 
His heirs, assigns and legatees. 
Executors and devisees ; 
The unknown heirs of all of these ; 
Administrators if you please. 
All his receivers and trustees ; 
And if perchance some one or more 
Of these are on the other shore, 



62 MILES OF SMILES 

The same lingerie as before 

Applies to the unnumbered dead 

Who claim this land as aforesaid. 

The plaintiff says this nasty claim 

Involves the spelling of a name ; 

That something like two hundred years 

Before the flood, as it appears, 

A man whose name was Tom McThee 

Forgot to cross the second T 

Which in the title makes a gap 

That's wholly fatal. 

Lawyer Snapp." 
My Ma she winned that big lawsuit 
And got to pay the costs to boot, 
And got her title clean as day 
And when the land was sold to pay 
The costs it only took they say, 
About a hundred fifty more 
Than what the land she selled it for, 
And if Ma has another scrap 
She's goin' right back to Lawyer Snapp. 



MILES OF SMILES 63 

RETURNED FROM EXILE 

Well now I 'low it's been an age 

Since I left this old Town ; 
Why over yonder stands the jail. 

It's now all tiimbled down; 
And there's the same old Court House where 

The Jedge my sentence read, 
And I remember how the Jedge 

In readin' bowed his head. 
I think he knew I'se innocent, 

But there's the verdict — well ; 
And here's the house where she had lived, 

My dear old sweetheart Nell. 
I think perhaps I should have stayed 

And served my sentence through 
But knowin' that I'se innocent 

It was more than I could do. 
Well Nell she married, so I read 

Soon after I had gone ; 
I couldn't blame her nary bit 

She thinkin' what I'd done. 
I wonder if she'd know me now ? 

Why bless her there she stands, 
And bless my soul I b'lieve I see 

Her wavin' of her hands. 
Hello there Nell ! you look as young 

As you did ages past, 
I guess a marryin' agreed with you. 



64 MILES OF SMILES 

Well I've come back at last; 
I'm goin' to serve my sentence Nell, 

Although I did no wrong, 
But I can't stay away no more, 

The time it seems too long. 
And Nell I never thought no harm 

Of you for what you've done, 
For you did right forgettin' me 

As soon as I was gone. 
The jury gave its verdict in 

And here I ran away, 
And you went off and married him. 

What's that I hear you say? 
Am I a dreamin' that old dream 

I've dreamed a hundred times? 
Am I a hearin' of the bells 

That rang a hundred chimes 
And always startled from my dreams 

To find myself alone ; 
No place whereon to lay my head 

No one to call my own ? 
You tell me that when I had gone 

Another had confessed, 
And when you found I'se innocent 

You waited for me jest 
A knowin' that the day would come 

When I'd return to you? 
Well here I am and here you are 

The same old sweetheart true. 



MILES OF SMILES 65 

WHEN MA CLEANS HOUSE 

When Ma cleans house the first of May 

As Mas most gener'ly do, 
My Pa and me, we'd run away 

As Pas most gener'ly do. 
Except in' Ma she'd be so cross. 
Our hired girl Jane'd be at a loss 
To know just how to clear the muss 
And there would be an awful fuss 

When Ma cleans house 

If Pa and me was gone. 

My Ma she musses up the floor, 
And throws the carpets out the door. 
And takes the blinds and curtains down. 
And guess she'd turn the house aroun' 

When Ma cleans house 

If Pa and me was gone. 

She beats the carpets and the rugs, 
And scalds the floor to kill the bugs. 
If any should be hidin' there. 
And guess she'd meddle everywhere 

When Ma cleans house 

If Pa and me was gone. 

She turns the beds all upside down. 
And scatters clothing all aroun' 
And stops the fires and don't know why, 
And guess we'd freeze to death purt nigh 

When Ma cleans house 

If Pa and me was gone. 



66 MILES OF SMILES 



My Pa can't find a thing to wear 
Exceptin' of his hide and hair, 
And maybe find his pants and hat, 
And hardly think that he'd find that 

When Ma cleans house 

If Ma and me was gone. 

One day my Pa — don't never tell — 

My Pa he wasn't very well, 

And when my Pa is sick why he 

Is just about as ornery 

As ever anyone can be ; 

And when he couldn't find his shirt 

He gathered up our hired girl's skirt, 

And when you think that Jane is jes 

An angel you have missed your guess ; 

So when Jane saw it was my Pa 

A wearin' of her skirt she saw 

An opportunity to jaw 

And which she did and did it well 

In words I never dare to tell ; 

And when my Pa he answered back 

She took a peach pie from the rack. 

And aimed it right at my Pa's head 

And driv my Pa right back to bed, 

And kept him there until he said 

He's sorry that he wasn't dead; 

And ever since that thing occurred 

My Pa he never says a word 

But when Ma cleans house 

Pa and me are gone. 



MILES OF SMILES 67 

LEGISLATIVE DUTIES 

I have lived a life of pleasure 

Though I know of none so great, 
As to stand before the Solons 

Of my own fair native State, 
And advise the Legislature 

What I think it ought to do, 
And to do it mighty quickly 

And adjourn when it is through. 

First of all I'd pass a measure 

To abolish all the tax. 
And if any should oppose it 

Don't you think that I'd relax, 
'Till I had the task accomplished, 

For I count the tax a bore, 
And I'd keep on hammerin' at it 

'Till it's killed forevermore. 

Then I'd regulate the weather 

When it rains it ought to shine. 
And I'd make it hot in winter 

And make it cold in summertime, 
So we wouldn't freeze our fingers 

If a skatin' we should go. 
And when ice cream season's on us 

We could freeze it in the snow. 



68 MILES OF SMILES 

Then I'd touch upon the airplanes 

And I'd make 'em so they'd fly 
And a keep on fly in' steady 

Even though the wind is high, 
For it's mighty inconvenient 

To be fly in' over town 
'nd have some Httle thing to happen 

For to bring you timibHn' down. 

Then I'd take up automobiles; 

Pass a law to make 'em bump 
Not so everlastin' vicious 

When they hit you on the rump, 
For there's nothin' in creation 

That will agitate you so 
As to have an automobile 

Runnin' over you, you know. 

Then you might take up such questions 

As mosquitoes, bugs and flies, 
For there isn't such a nuisance 

Underneath the starry skies ; 
And there's not a Solon present 

But that knows that this is true 
And to pass a law against 'em. 

We're demandin' you to do. 

Then I b'lieve that colds and measles, 

Mumps, and smallpox I'd efface, 
And such other kindred ailments 



MILES OF SMILES 69 

As afflict the hiiman race, 
For there's nothin' so annoy in' 

And so brazenishly bold 
As a feller who's a talkin' 

While affected with a cold. 

When it comes to minor measures 

Like the welfare of the school, 
Or good roads, or coal commissions, 

All these questions as a rule 
Will adjust themselves quite likely 

Without legislative aid, 
But not so with all the subjects 

I have mentioned aforesaid. 
If you'll solve these knotty problems 

You've accomplished great deal more 
Than has any legislature 

Since before the Trojan War. ^ 



70 MILES OF SMILES 

MA'S SAVIN' OF THE WORLD 

I've got the nicest, sweetest Ma, 

What ever you did see; 
I know I have because my Pa 

He's told it so to me. 
Of course I've never seed my Ma 

Which seems a little queer. 
But then I know I have a Ma 

Else how would I be here? 
And 'en I see her clothes and things 

All scattered round about. 
Which Pa and me we both pick up 

When Ma is alius out. 
And Pa and me we make the beds 

And build the fires and sweep 
And brush and dust and cook. Oh Pa 

And me we do a heap ; 

For Ma is savin' of the world. 

I wish to goodness I could see 

My real living Ma ; 
I've seed her picture several times 

According to my Pa, 
But pictures are so cold and stiff. 

They cannot talk to me ; 
It is my Ma what walks and talks 

I'm crazy for to see; 
My Ma what had her picture took 



MILES OF SMILES 71 

And put it in the press 
And all the neighbors said to me 

Your Ma is smart I guess ; 
My Ma what wears the shoes and things 

What's scattered all about 
Which Pa and me we both pick up 

When Ma is alius out 

A savin' of the world. 

My Ma she comes home every night 

According to my Pa, 
But I am alius 'sleep in bed 

And cannot see my Ma, 
And 'en before she gets awake 

I'm gone to school or play 
And never get a glimpse of her 

Throughout the livelong day. 
My Ma I guess she is a power 

From what the papers say; 
They tell of something smart she's said 

'Bout almost every day, 
I guess she's 'bout the brightest Ma 

For miles and miles about 
But how I wish and wish that Ma 

She wasn't alius out 

A savin' of the world. 

My Ma she writes the bestest things 

'Bout raisin' of a child 
And alius keepin' vigil eye 

To see it don't go wild; 



72 MILES OF SMILES 

And how she gives the mothers shucks 

What doesn't alius know 
Just all about their boys and girls 

And every place they go, 
And how the boys will go to sticks 

And come to dreadful end 
If mother for a weenty time 

Her vigilance suspend. 
Oh wizard's what they call my Ma 

Cause she knows all about 
Child culture. But I often wish 

Ma wasn't alius out 

A savin' of the world. 

My Ma is white I know she is 

For Pa he told me so ; 
She's got blue eyes and auburn hair : 

There's lots of things I know 
About my Ma and how she looks ; 

I learned them all from Pa, 
But how I'd like to get a glimpse 

Myself of my dear Ma. 
But one thing that is just as sure 

As ever sure can be ; 
I know because Pa told me so ; 

Pa makes a chum of me. 
If I should get another Ma 

Besides the one I've got, 
It's goin' to be one not so smart 

What isn't alius out 

A savin' of the world. 



MILES OF SMILES 73 

WHEN SI PLUMPKINS RAN FOR 
CONGRESS 

When ole Si Plumpkins for Congress ran, 
He was as good as ever a man 
Can possibly be and still survive. 
He'd promise you anything. Goodness alive 
There weren't three men, nor probably two 
That he hadn't given the Post Office to. 
I can remember he kum to me 
And asked me to promise to "wote for he" 
And said he'd do handsome by me some way 
But how he would do it he didn't just say 
And when he's elected he did as agreed 
And sent me an exquisite package of seed 
YES SIR, HE DID. 

But just a revertin' a little once more 
To that Post Office business a mentioned before, 
That made a few fellers a leetle bit sore. 
For there weren't a thousand Post Offices nor 
There weren't but one in our little Hum Town 
And that Post Office puddin' it wouldn't go roun' 
And a lot of our fellers are stubborn as sin 
And they jumped on Si Plumpkins and pounded 

it in 
And wrote him mean letters and threatened to 

skunk 'im 



74 MILES OF SMILES 

And called him mean names like Traitor and 

Btmkem, 
But while ole Si Plumpkins didn't do as agreed 
He fixed it all up with a package of seed. 

YES SIR, HE DID. 

We've got some ole soldiers who fought in the war 
And as poor as Job's turkey who couldn't no more 
Resist the entreaties of Plumpkins' appeal 
Than soap-sudsie fingers will hold to an eel, 
And to these ole Si Plumpkins he promised if he 
Was elected to Congress BY HICKEY HE'D 

SEE 
That their pensions were doubled and possibly- 
more, 
For a man who's a soldier and fought in the war 
Accord in' to Plumpkins should get every cent 
A comin' from Congress if ever he went. 
And when Plumpkins fell short to do just as agreed 
He made it all up with a package of seed. 
YES SIR, HE DID. 

The farmers would get, if Si Plumpkins he beat, 
Four dollars a bushel for all of their wheat, 
Not less than a quarter a pound for their meat, 
Such as steers and ole heifers, but townfolks who 

eat 
It would get porter house for a shillin' a pound 
And for maybe ten cents we would buy choice 

round, 



MILES OF SMILES 75 

And our bread should be lower than ever it was 
If Si Plumpkins was 'lected to Congress because 
He'd favor the townsfolk, he vowed that he 

would, 
And give us our livin' as cheap as he could. 
But Si couldn't do everything he agreed 
But he sended us all a big package of seed 

YES SIR, HE DID. 

Now Si concluded to run once more, 
And this time was lavisher yet than before. 
The town it needed and surely would git 
A Post Office building if lightnin' should hit 
Si's political rod. And time and agane 
He promised ambassadorship to Spain 
And Greece and Turkey and Afghanistan 
To diverse and sundry and various men. 
And about six or seven or probably eight 
He was goin' to make Secretary of State, 
But a lot of Si Plumpkins' seed didn't sprout 
And so we fellers we woted him out; 
YES SIR, WE DID. 



76 MILES OF SMILES 

BACK TO THE OLE HOME PLACE 

Kinder makes a feller lonesome, or not 
Just lonesome, don't know altogether what 
That funny feelin' is that makes you blue 
Retumin' to the farm that fathered you, 
After spendin' forty winters in the South. 
Don't remember bein' back here since the drouth 
Destroyed the clover crop way back in eighty, 
Didn't think I'd come till here just lately; 
When the thought come to me says I, "Shore 
I want to see the ole home place once more." 

Things are different from the way I thought 

they'd be; 
There is nothin' here that seems quite right to me; 
I can hear my mother's voice a callin' Lee, 
That's my brother, gave his life — Blest be 
His hallowed memory — for Liberty, 
Lee's the bestest one of all the lot; 
Worked the hardest — swam the farthest, don't 

know what 
Lee didn't do lots better than the rest; 
Guess that's why the Father thought it best 
To take Lee home, that seems to be the way 
That the Almighty Ruler takes to pay 
His faithful ones. But though it's sad why shore 
I'm glad to see the ole home place once more. 




And oh this reminissen stirs me so, but shore 
I want to see the ole home place once more 



MILES OF SMILES 79 

I want to know what come of Henry Lane 

And Tommy Corwin and his sister Jane 

And Benny Snead who used to hide our duds 

Whenwe's in swimmin'; then there's WilHe Budds 

Whose brother beat my time with Cinda Lee, 

And I was alius glad he did for she 

Was faithlesser than what I thought she'd be; 

And Hunter, that's our rabbit dog; and Spot, 

And Bessie too and Black, and I've forgot 

The names of all our cows ; and how we'd play 

The organ with such tunes as Happy Day, 

And Bonnie Doon, and Darlin' Nellie Gray 

And then Lee'd up and sing Lead Kindly Light 

And the old gospel tune Dispel the Night, 

And Fannie Jones would play the cords, for then 

They didn't play a heap by note, but when 

The buckwheat notes came in she took a, term 

Of lessons on the organ, and gol dern 

If I ever heard such tunes as Fannie played 

Or ever dreamed of music like she made ; 

And oh this reminissen stirs me so, but shore 

I'm glad to see the ole home place once more. 

There stands the same old stately apple tree, 

A trifle taller than it used to be. 

But no more stomachakener I bet 

Than what it was when me and Tommy et 

To win a wager waged by brother Lee ; 

He's alius up to some such trick with me; 



80 MILES OF SMILES 

And over yonder stands the meetin' place 
Where every Sunday momin', Love and Grace 
And Faith and Hope and everlastin' life 
Was meted out and sin and worldly strife 
Subdued. I want to know about Tom Jones 
The son of the kind reverend whose bones 
Have long since decomposed. I mind the day 
When first they got the organ for to play, 
And some there were who said that Satan dwelt 
Inside, not more'n a yard from where I knelt. 
And on one side of a partition wall 
Were men and on the other women, all 
On their own side accordin' to their kind, 
And mostly snorin' as of a common mind; 
And oh! I almost wished I hadn't come, but 

shore 
I'm glad to see the ole home place once more. 



MILES OF SMILES 81 

GOSSIPERS 

I have heard somewhere in fiction, for it could not 

be in fact 
Of two certain gossip mongers, who proceeded in 

a pact ; 
One of these two gossip mongers, sanctimoniously 

shy- 
Volunteered this information, in the name of God 

on high : 

"I have heard a quiet rumor, in a confidential way , 
That a certain well known person has been 

drifting far away. 
Now I pray don't tell this story, to your nearest 

dearest friends 
For it's altogether likely, she will later make 

amends." 

"No my dear, rejoined the other, "I will never 

say a word 
And if any soul should ask me, I'll protest I never 

heard ; 
To be sure I have two cousins who will keep the 

secret well. 
But I'm sure that they will guard it, and will 

never, never tell." 

So the story was repeated, to these confidential 
two, 



82 MILES OF SMILES 

Sworn to secrecy forever, under oath austere and 

true, 
Save of course each had two others, equally as 

safe and mum. 
Each of whom should hear the story which had 

grown somewhat in glum. 

To these four this morbid story was confided with 

an oath, 
That it never be repeated, not by pen, nor word 

of mouth ; 
From this oath in sense of fairness, to be sure 

there needs must be 
Just this same small reservation; that is justice, 

don't you see? 

So these four to eight they told it, and these 

eight to sixteen more ; 
From sixteen to two and thirty, so it spread from 

door to door ! 
Like a mighty conflagration, it enveloped all the 

town 
Sending forth its belching fury, through the 

county miles around. 

Geometric its progression, as it burned its furious 

way. 
Spreading havoc and disaster, as it sped forth 

night and day, 



MILES OF SMILES 83 

Gaining fury and momentum, speeding on at 

any cost, 
Till at last the message flashes; by its power a 

soul is lost. 

Now the Lord looks down from Heaven, as he 

sits upon his throne, 
On these motley gossip mongers, whom he may 

not call his own ; 
And he renders righteous judgment, judgment 

justly earned I wot, 
As he says to all these sinners, "Turn away, I 

know thee not." 



84 MILES OF SMILES 

WITE IN THE THOOL ROOM 

Firth day Bethie went to thool 
How'd she know about the rule 
Of talkin' ? And Bethie she 
Up and talked out loud to me. 
Wite in the thool room. 

And all the other thildren there 
Knew the thool room's no place where 
Bethie could talk out loud to me 
And they giggleded at she, 
Wite in the thool room. 

And the teacher she was mad 
And she told us Bethie had 
Brought dithgrath to the whole crowd 
And she tholded her out loud, 
Wite in the thool room. 

And she took the little chap 
And she laid her tross her lap 
And she thpanked poor Bethie there 
And I bet you can't geth where! 
Wite in the thool room. 



MILES OF SMILES 85 

THE BASEBALL FAN 

I low this world has lunatics, 

Fanatics, cranks and fools; 
There's horse-race cranks and prize fight cranks 

And cranks of diverse schools. 
There's cranks what bet on volley ball, 

And play the Board of Trade, 
But Linda says the biggest crank 

Wot God has ever made 

IS THE BASEBALL FAN. 

The man wot stakes 'bout all he's got 

That Dempsey wins the fight, 
Or bets a lot on Carpentier, 

I say he's some crank right ; 
Or the man who stands in boiHng sun 

And cheers the winning mare. 
But Linda says the biggest crank 

In all the world there air, 

IS THE BASEBALL FAN. 

One time I goes to Baltimore 

On business matters great. 
But what the business matters were 

I couldn't 'zactly state; 
But Linda, somehow she suspects 

It wasn't business 'tall. 
And wot I really goes there for 

Was to see a game of ball ; 

FOR LINDA SAYS I'M A BASE- 
BALL FAN. 



86 MILES OF SMILES 

Now when I gets to Baltimore 

The game was at New York, 
So I with forty thousand more 

Goes down to Third and Cork 
Where scores are posted up to date 

On every play that's made, 
And there I stands with mercury 

Some ninety in the shade ! 
Now 'peered that all the cheerin' there 

Was done for Baltimore 
Which didn't seem quite square to me 

So I observed the score, 
And when New York she made a hit 

I yelled with all my might, 
"There cheers for old New York" says I, 

Not spectin' for to fight. 
But less'n time it takes to tell, 

A great big climisy brute, 
He spraddled out all over me 

And battered in my snute ; 
And blackened eye and broken arm, 

And dislocated knee, 
Two broken ribs and fractured skull, 

All these he gave to me. 
And that is all I recollect 

About the 'sperience, 
Exceptin', from that day till now 

I never have been since, 
A BASEBALL FAN. 



MILES OF SMILES 87 

SISTER IS AFRAID OF A MOUSE? 

You ought to hear my sister yell 

Whene'er she sees a mouse. 
My sister nearly has a spell 

Whene'er she sees a mouse. 

My sister's brave as brave can be 
If bear or lion she should see, 
And tigers scare her not a bit, 
But sister nearly has a fit 

Whene'er she sees a mouse. 

She screams and cries and wrings her hands 
And calls for "Help, Dear Mercy Lands," 
And runs and climbs upon a chair. 
And oh she has an awful scare 
Whene'er she sees a mouse. 

One time my sister had a beau 
As most girls do sometimes you know, 
A timid chap, she called him Gene. 
Now sister gave an awful scream ; 
Sister saw a mouse. 

She screamed so loud, the frightened mouse, 
It scampered all about the house 
In vain attempt to find a shelf 
Or other place to hide itself; 
This frightened little mouse. 



88 MILES OF SMILES 

And finding efforts all in vain 
A place of safety he to gain, 
The mouse concluded to ascend 
The pantaloon of sister's friend; 
This naughty little mouse. 

Now sister grabbed the poker stiff 
And gave the mouse an awful biff, 
Or so at least my sister tried, 
But mouse was on the other side ; 
This clever little mouse. 

Now sister, she is not the kind, 

When she sets out, to change her mind. 

And having biffed her first in vain 

My sister up and biffed again. 

Now Gene, convinced his leg was broke. 

He yelled so loud that he awoke 

My Dad who plunged from out his bed 

And landed where my brother Ed 

Had set a trap to catch the mouse. 

Whose presence round about the house. 

Was manifest for several days 

In obvious and sundry ways. 

My Dad he gave an awful roar 

Upon his landing on this floor. 

For Eddie's trap with jaws of steel 

Foreclosed itself on Daddy's heel. 

Now Gene he heard the noise upstairs 



MILES OF SMILES 89 

But of its import unawares 

He armed himself to make defense 

Against the robber if perchance 

A robber should be prowling 'round, 

And fell the culprit to the ground. 

Now Daddy, frantic in his plight, 

Another effort to alight 

Did make, but with no better luck, 

For when he lit he fairly struck 

A hole which being in the floor 

Was unprotected by a door, 

As had been planned. The hole was small 

And Dad could not get through at all. 

His feet and legs and body swung. 

But arms and shoulders caught and hung. 

Now while Eugene was minding Dad 

He didn't notice sister had 

Procured a bale of boiling brine ^ 

With which to scald this base vermine, 

Which by the way still held defense 

In remote nook of Eugene's pants. 

His only thought was what to do 

To fell the robber swinging through 

The orifice above his head 

And make for sure the scamp was dead, 

And you may judge of his surprise 

When there before his very eyes 

My sister stood with boiling pot 

To dash and souse the very spot 



90 MILES OF SMILES 

Where last the mouse was thought to be. 
Now Gene with all rapidity, 
He grabbed the pot and made a dash 
The robber's feet and legs to splash, 
And had Eugene belabored well, 
The consequence no man can tell. 
Now on that very selfsame day. 
My mother's aunt had come to stay, 
How long nobody ever knows. 
But she had brought a trunk of clothes, 
And as Gene aimed with erring eye. 
The boiling brine all went awry 
And spattered all the clothes and things 
Of mother's aunt Lucinda Bings. 
Lucinda hearing all the noise, 
She quite completely lost her poise. 
And sallied forth in night attire 
Proceeding thence to vaunt her ire. 
And though a pious saint she be, 
A secret just twixt you and me, 
The things I heard Lucinda tell 
To Gene, no printer dare to spell. 
The upshot of the whole affair; 
Luncinda Bings she pawed the air 
And packed her clothes and went away 
And ne'er returned until this day. 
And all on account of a mouse. 



MILES OF SMILES 91 

NOTHING ELSE TO DO 

A man lives down in Dingytown, 

God bless his stingy soul, 
Whose only comforts are his dog, 

His cane and pipe and bowl ; 
He goes to bed at early dawn 

And sleeps till break of day, 
And after breakfast lights his pipe 

And smokes his life away, 

For he's nothing else to do. 

He doesn't read the Daily News 

Because it costs a bit ; 
He will not pay for Parson's gab 

He doesn't care for it; 
He wears the same old suit of clothes 

He's worn for twenty years, 
But not a breath of scandal e'er 

Escapes his listening ears, 

For he's nothing else to do. 

He turns the hungry from the door 

With void and empty hand, 
And spurns the call of charity 

He'd have you understand ; 
He'd rob the widow of her mite, 

The orphan of his bit ; 



92 MILES OF SMILES 

He gathers up his sordid gains 
And stores them in his mit, 
For he's nothing else to do. 

Now quite a number of the boys 
A Hving in our square, 

Have organized a little club 
For doing what is fair, 

And we have every one chipped in 
And helped to raise a purse, 

And telephoned to Muncie for 
A plain old fashioned hearse, 
For there's nothing else to do. 



MILES OF SMILES 93 

CONTENTMENT 

In the ancient land of Sparta I am told 
That the man most highly honored was the bold 
Courageous man of valor; neither pain 
Nor patriotic death did he disdain, 
But he never found contentment. 

Turning next my thoughts to ancient Rome, 
Chivalry was found to be the topmost dome 
Of Ambition. He was honored most 
Who led in battle's fury, Caesar's host. 
But he never found contentment. 

In Athens I am told that education, 
Philosophy and art were the foundation 
And the structure and the fabric and the goal 
And the actuating motives of the soul, 
But they never brought contentment. 

In all the lands between the east and west. 
There has ever been a mad'ning morbid quest 
To attain a gorgeous mint of filthy gold 
For which men's souls have oftentimes been sold, 
But it never brought contentment. 

So in searching through the archives of the past 
I was verging on despair when lo at last 
I caught the vision of a peasant bending low 
In the service of her kindred. Now I know 
Where to find contentment. 



94 MILES OF SMILES 

NATURE'S BEAUTY 

When I look upon the grandeur of the autumn 

trees 
And behold the brilliant colors as the gentle breeze 
Keeps a nodding of the graceful branches to and 

fro, 
And their inimitable beauty reigns where'er I go, 
And their dazzling splendor sparkles through my 

clouded eye 
I have often stopped to meditate and wonder why 
I may not share their beauty. 

Then again when winter's chilling frost and 

drizzling rain 
Paints grand temples and cathedrals on the 

window pane. 
And drapes the trees and shrubs with beauteous 

snowy shroud 
And gives to them such splendor as no artist e'er 

endowed 
To mortal art, I look upon their lustre with squint 

eye, 
And strangely muse and meditate and wonder why 
I may not share their beauty. 

Or when whitecaps scamper to and fro in sunny 

May 
And hold their pompous exhibitions day by day, 



MILES OF SMILES 95 

Or Thor peals out his threatening storm fore- 
boding call 

And the sky transcends the glory of celestial 
Gaul 

And I behold such grand resplendence as doth 
blind my eye 

The which no man can reproduce, I wonder why 
I may not share their beauty. 

One day a himible peasant chanced to pass my 

way, 
And to a poor and needy orphan she did say 
"I freely share my mite;" and as the days passed 

by 
She gave response unselfishly to every cry, 
And when I gazed upon her radiant sparkling eye 
I saw replete effulgence and I fathomed why 
I had not shared God's beauty, 



96 MILES OF SMILES 

SOL HENRY'S BETROTHAL 

I have a tale I'd like to tell, 

A tale that's all too true 
If I could only find smooth words 

Like lawyers alius do, 
But bein' just a Country Squire, 

A plain unvarnished man. 
You'll have to take it as it comes; 

I'll tell it as I can. 

Sol Henry had a little farm 

Down by the old canal ; 
Now Sol was up in years they say 

And never had a gal. 
Now Sol he didn't have a hate 

Toward the weaker sex. 
He couldn't make 'em understand; 

Their brains were too complex, 
So Sol he wrote a little ad 

And sent it to the news 
And answers? Lahs! You can't believe, 

Came in to beat the Jews. 
Sol took his choice and writ a note, 

A clever little note. 
And Sue she answered by return 

And so they wrote and wrote, 
And finally they set the day 

And Sue packed up her grip 



MILES OF SMILES 97 

And all aboard was Sue to take 

A quiet wedding trip, 
But when she landed from the train, 

Imagine her surprise 
When there was Sol in working clothes 

Before her very eyes, 
For how should Sol expected be 

To know what clothes to wear 
On going down to meet his bride 

Or how to comb his hair? 
I'm not a findin' fault with Sol, 

I wouldn't care a whit, 
But I was need in' of that fee, 

And that I didn't git. 



98 MILES OF SMILES 

NEVER GROW OLD 

When I was a lad in my teens, 

My grandpap was called an old man, 
But now I am older by far 

Than ever my grandpap was then. 
And still I am only a boy, 

A youth in both spirit and soul. 
So I am contendin' that there 

Is no reason to ever grow ole. 

My grandpap was wearin' long whiskers 

That literally covered his face 
And seasoned his tea and his coffee 

And mimibled the words of his grace ; 
But the Lord be could alius hear grandpap, 

For he was a blessed ole soul, 
Much ol'er than ever he need be 

For there is no need to grow ole. 

My grandpap lost all of his carin' 

For huntin' and fishin' and books 
And children and clothin' and dressin' 

And matters affect in' his looks, 
And all of the pleasures he cherished 

Was nursin' his pipe and his bowl. 
But if grandpap had lived in my fashion 

He needn't have ever grown ole. 



MILES OF SMILES 99 

At seventy-five I'm delighted 

With children astride of my knee, 
And mussin' my hair with their fingers 

And ttmiblin' around over me, 
And askin' me questions, and tellin' 

'Em stories I often have tole 
For these are the things that keeps grandpaps 

From agein' no matter how ole. 



100 MILES OF SMILES 

GREAT IDEES 

There is a man that lives down here in Dingytown 
That is destined to become of world renown ; 
Not that he possesses any wondrous skill, 
Nor special fitness for great mission to fulfill, 
But I'm judgin' of his future if you please, 
By his monstrous 'cumulation of idees. 

He has got a great mechanic's turn of mind. 
He is always at in vent in' of some kind 
Of machine the like of which was never known, 
And no brain e'er could invent except his own. 
Now he spends a lot of money makin' these. 
But he's all the time a pilin' up idees. 

In his monstrous brain there dwells a little notion 
That in course of time he'll have perpetual motion 
And a tube equipped with high electric power 
For sendin' people over seas in half an hour. 
Now perchance he'll die without completin' these 
But he'll leave behind, a stack of big idees. 



MILES OF SMILES 101 

STAY WITH THE FARM 

Folks are leavin' of the farm most every day 
And a hikin' to the city Hght and gay; * 
Oh I grant the farm's a Httle lonesome now, 
But we better far stay with it anyhow; 
It won't be long till spring's a comin' round 
And we'll hear the cheery Robin Redbreast's 

sound ; 
Old Cock Winter's long tail feathers will drop out 
And Jack Frost so badly crippled be no doubt 
That for months he'll hardly dare to gad about. 
We will soon be hearin' of the meadow lark, 
And the Katy-did a singin' in the dark. 
And the clover will be bloomin' here in June 
And we'll hear the Bob-o-link in merry tune, 
And the sassy little stingin' honey bee 
Manufacturin' its sweetness just for me, 
And old Sol will soon be kindlin' up his fires 
Coaxin' lovely roses from the thorny briers, 
And we'll hear the patter of the April showers 
Lulling us to slimiber in the midnight hours, 
And our lips will smack and glow in ruddy red 
As respects we humbly pay the luscious bed 
Of strawberries teasin' of our appetite; 
And the trees all dressed aglow and burnished 

bright 
In their new Parisian petticoats of green. 
And we'll hear the cooin' of the dove I ween; 



102 MILES OF SMILES 

The soprano of Bob-white so loud and shrill, 
And the tenor of the pipin' whippoorwill, 
And the owl a singin' alto, and bull frogs 
Croakin' out bass solos in the marshy bogs. 
And sweet melody will fill the balmy air 
And charm the world with heavenly music 

. everywhere ; 
Oh I grant the farm's a little lonesome now, 
But we better far stay with it anyhow. 



MILES OF SMILES 103 

LIVING JUST NOW 

Well now I 'low it wasn't bad 

To live a hundred years of yore, 
But I contend it's better now 

Than what it ever was before. 
The tallow candle had its day, 

The fire place may have been all right, 
But I will toast my shins and read 

By furnace and electric light. 

It's nice to talk of barge canals 

And mule back rides through mountain snow 
But I will take the railroad trains. 

Street cars and autos when I go. 
The old log cabin thatched with straw 

With snow and wind and winter's chill 
May be romantic but I'll take 

A plastered house, that's what I will. 

The home spun clothes and home knit socks 

And mattresses of shucks and straw 
Are nice enough to talk about 

But when it comes to sleeping, lah ! 
They won't compare with cotton mats. 

And there's the wooden trundle bed 
A kinder hidden under Pa's. 

Give me a big brass bed instead. 



104 MILES OF SMILES 

The oaken bucket in the well, 

The rag wove carpet on the stair, 
Are good enough for poets but 

I'll stay where rugs and faucets air. 
I'd liked to live about the time 

My grandpap married Liza Jane, 
And then I'd like to live just now 

And sometime I would live agane. 



MILES OF SMILES 105 

MOTHER'S LOVE 

Although I tour in distant lands 
O'er mountain peaks or desert sands, 
No mortal voice to greet my ear 
I hear a voice that gives me cheer, 

'Tis the voice of my mother's love. 

Or doth affliction sore oppress, 
Or bathe in anguish and distress, 
Nor balm to soothe this life's disdain. 
I feel a touch that soothes my pain ; 
'Tis the touch of my mother's love. 

Or when bereavement drapes the door 
And darkens life from face to core. 
And plunges me in sorrow's sea, 
I hear a voice that comforts me ; 

'Tis the voice of my mother's love. 

Perchance my pathway leads to sin. 
With naught but ill designs within 
My heart, nor bent on worthy goal, 
I hear a voice that makes me whole ; 
'Tis the voice of my mother's love. 



106 MILES OF SMILES 

WHITE ROSES 

(An Easter Carol.) 

On the summit of Calvary's Mountain, 

Where the cross of the Savior was borne, 
To this day may be seen a blue rose bud 

With petals all drooping, forlorn; 
By its side is another with petals 

As pure and as white as the air. 
And thus since the days of Golgotha, 

The blue and the white have been there. 

The blue has been loathed through the ages, 

As the emblem of death and despair. 
Men shrink from its presence with hatred ; 

Its pollen defileth the air. 
Its thorns prick the flesh to the bleeding, 

And poison with venom, I vow. 
For the blue rose is nourished and watered 

By the sweat from the traitorous brow. 

The white rose with sweet adoration, 

Is viewed as the emblem of love ; 
And of hope and of life everlasting 

And home with our Savior above ; 
Its fragrance as sweet as Frankincense, 

Brings peace and repose and accord. 
For the white rose is nourished and watered 

By the blood from the side of the Lord. 



MILES OF SMILES 107 

Since the dawn of that first Easter Morning, 

When Mary of Magdala 
Viewed the tomb where the Savior was buried, 

And the stone from the door rolled away; 
White roses have flourished and blossomed 

Wherever man's footsteps have trod. 
And out of their blossoms has risen 

Divine benedictions from God. 

Our land is a land of white roses ; 

Sweet roses as pure as the dew, 
Bearing solace and sweet consolation, 

Inspiring with courage anew. 
Here's a rose to the Star Spangled Banner, 

Whose folds gently float in the breeze, 
And carry the message of Jesus 

To the far away isles of the seas ; 
May her folds swayed by zephyrs from Heaven, 

Continue in triimiph to wave 
O'er the land of the true and the faithful, 

The home of the just and the brave. 

Here's a rose to the temple of worship, 
The church of the Savior divine. 

The giver of life everlasting. 

The author of blessings benign. 

Here's a rose to the home and the fireside. 
Where mercy and love doth abide, 



108 MILES OF SMILES 

The haven of rest and rejoicing, 

No matter what ills may betide. 

Oh the world is just filled with white roses, 
To the farthermost isles of the sea, 

Bearing peace and good will and rejoicing, 
And gladness for you and for me. 



MILES OF SMILES 109 

TOUCHED BY THE HAND OF THE 
LORD 

In the land of the Holy of Holies, 

Where Jesus was born among men, 
A pendulous bulb was borne swiftly 

By the wings of an eagle of ken, 
And dropped in the foul stagnant waters, 

Submerged in the cesspool of earth, 
But something seemed beckoning hither 

And a beautiful lily came forth ; 

It was touched by the hand of the Lord. 

In the shoals of the waters of Birma 

Are swan, the Bird Royal renowned. 
Nor of form neither gainly nor comely, 

Nor note of melodious sound : 
Her throat bent in angular silence. 

As mute as the stillness of night ; 
But in dying she brings forth such music 

As Heaven itself doth delight ; 

She was touched by the hand of the Lord. 

The gray homely web of the spider, 

Entwined 'round the Yuletide tree ; 
Nor beauty nor strength to sustain it. 

Nor power to defend it hath he ; 
The target of every domestic, 

The prey of the onslaught oft told, 
Comes suddenly forth into splendor 

In glittering threads of gold; 

It was touched bv the hand of the Lord. 



no MILES OF SMILES 

I dreamed of a world lost in darkness, 

Mankind given over to lust 
And worship of indolent idols, 

Engraven of copper and dust ; 
And angushing cries of oppression, 

Resounding through hill and through dale; 
The bodies of innocent children 

Consumed at the altar of Baal ; 
But light has succeeded the darkness ; 

Good will has been spread among men ; 
Peace on earth is the hour's kindly watchword, 

And Heaven's doors opened again; 

We've been touched by the hand of the 
Lord. 

Our life has not always been sunshine ; 

We've had our full share of the rain; 
But whenever the clouds thickly gathered 

The sun has dispelled them again ; 
We've traveled through want and privation, 

Bereavement and sorrow and sin ; 
But somehow the warmth of the Solstice 

Invincibly entereth in ; 
And now on the eve of the Yuletide, 

I'm charmed by this glorious old world, 
The land of the Star Spangled Banner, 

The home of Old Glory unfurled : 

We've been touched by the hand of the 
Lord, 



